Its been a bit since I've been on here, and a lot has happened. Hoss went to the bridge on September 11th of 2010, and I still miss him so much my heart aches. I just thank God every day that his passing was very peaceful, and that he is no longer in pain.
We had upped his pain medications to Gabapentin and Tramadol, at the highest doses. He started crying at night because he could not get comfortable, and he was slowing down and losing weight. His fur started to get spotty and brittle...and through all that, he kept that sparkle and love for life in his eye. The smile never fell from his face.
I took him in for another x-ray shortly before the end, and we were all shocked. It was a miracle he was still walking, and that his leg hadn't broken. The bone was so deteriorated that the doctor told me it could break at any time....he also told me it was time to say my goodbyes.
So I did.
I spent the last week of Hoss' life spoiling him rotten and taking him with me everywhere. I tried to cram the ten years I wanted with him into a few short days. I tried to show him how much I loved him.
On the morning of the 11th, I took Hoss on a walk early that morning, through the trees. We just kept eachother company, me trying to send him all the love and comfort vibes I could, even though I was constantly crying and it felt like my heart was being ripped out.
The vet was kind enough to come to my house instead of taking Hoss to the clinic where he was never comfortable. We sat on the back porch, in the warm sun. Hoss and I stretched out on a blanket, and we all just spoke for a while. Hoss went to sleep, peaceful and happy. We sedated him, and he never moved. He passed peacefully from his dreams and into Heaven. It was a beautiful way to go, and I'm so glad that it was like that.
I miss him so much. I can still hear him sometimes, his fussing in the crate at night, his bark. I look at his collars and the pain in my heart makes me catch my breath.
Hoss was a special dog, and I wish so much that I could have given him years longer. But I am so, so blessed and thankful that I had the time with him that I did. I don't regret a second of it.
I pray that he knew then, and knows now, how much I love him. I hope I gave him all he had lacked before.
Love me, Love my dogs.